Deviant Login Shop  Join deviantART for FREE Take the Tour
×

:iconflarimar: More from Flarimar


More from deviantART



Details

Submitted on
May 31, 2012
File Size
617 bytes
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
95
Favourites
5 (who?)
Comments
11

License

Creative Commons License
Some rights reserved. This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 License.
×
Faeries alight upon the 'shrooms
Gossamer wings glow under the moon
Delicate laughter tickles the ear
Creatures of magic start to draw near
Hush watch the fairytales of old come alive
Who on children's imaginations they've thrived
The moon is full they start to dance
Enchantments lull you into a trance
The sun gives the horizon a gentle kiss
As they disperse, you know you'll miss
The faeries alight upon the 'shrooms
With gossamer wings that glow under the moon
Inspired by the book I, Coriander by Sally Gardner
Add a Comment:
 
:icondani-the-naiad:
Dani-the-Naiad Featured By Owner Jun 25, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
:heart: I love this!!! :heart:
Reply
:iconflarimar:
Flarimar Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2012  Student Writer
Thank you so much!! And thank you for the fave!!! =D
Reply
:iconladykylin:
LadyKylin Featured By Owner Jun 1, 2012
>< I just tried ot do an inline critque which is something another site I'm on does. Anyway, overall I liked it, There are a few things I would suggested changeing, or tweaking.

" As creatures of magic start to draw near" Get rid of the start to. You've already established that they are there so it seems redundant to have them there.

Who on children's imaginations they've thrived - The who isn't really needed, playing with it not being there could change the flow.

"And as they disperse, you know you'll miss" - I suggest either loseing the And or As, in this case they both are doing the same thing.

The other thing that could make it read better is to have some consistent rhymeing, you've got a few and that adds a lot of flow to a poem, but haveing a few lines is odd.

I did enjoy it though.

Reply
:iconflarimar:
Flarimar Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2012  Student Writer
Thank you for the critique it definitely got me thinking! I took out the As and the And, but didn't take out the who, at least not yet, I'll have to mull on that one for a bit. Again I really do appreciate your input :)
Reply
:iconladykylin:
LadyKylin Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2012
Glad to be appreciated, and I don't expect every peice of advice to be taken, just to be considered.
Reply
:iconflarimar:
Flarimar Featured By Owner Jun 12, 2012  Student Writer
Thanks, I like hearing it though even if I don't consider it, it makes me really think about what I've written and look at it from different angles.
Reply
:iconladykylin:
LadyKylin Featured By Owner Jun 12, 2012
Which is all I hope to do :) Give you new angles to look at it from.
Reply
:icondowntown-awesome:
Downtown-Awesome Featured By Owner May 31, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Enchanting. I love this.
Reply
:iconflarimar:
Flarimar Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2012  Student Writer
Thank ya lots!!! =D
Reply
:iconrynlyra:
RynLyra Featured By Owner May 31, 2012  Student Photographer
Still love this as much as the first time I read it! <3
Reply
Add a Comment: